Music to dance to

There are few different (groups of) songs to think about:

• Entrance music - pre-ceremony
• Ceremony music - during readings/signing
• Exit music - post-ceremony
• Cocktail hour background tunes
• Entrance(/First Dance?) song
• Speeches/dinner music
• Dancing music

I'm pretty much in love with the Vitamin String Quartet, as discussed previously, and spent the other night curating a Wish List of songs on iTunes. 

And then I went through some of the songs in my iTunes, thinking about which ones I liked for dancing to. Yes, there'll no doubt be a wide variety because I'm quite eclectic in my music tastes, and I know all of you lovely guests like different things too. Oh, and Grant doesn't really care so he can suggest some and all that, but not too many considering he doesn't even dance. So there :p mwuahahah


Anyways, I thinking I might like a selection of rock n roll/50s/60s songs... I have enough in my iTunes from pilfering from parentals collections of CDs, and there's this great German group The Baseballs who cover pop songs into a rock n roll beat... How awesome is that?! The question is: should we have that for the First Reception, Second Reception Party, or both? 

Other songs I'm liking: 

Ryan Shaw - We Got Love

and

Coldplay - Til Kingdom Come

and

Brooke Fraser - Love is Waiting

and

Brooke Fraser - The Thief

*love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

Signage

The wedding I adore the most so far included, amongst numerous other gorgeous things, pretty signs to show where everything was.

I want to do that to, but hadn't thought of a way to do it, until I found this post on Weddingbee - she's using recycled mirror/photo frames! There are a few little black mesh-like tables at Erskine that we can use, so they can be propped up around the place and used to hold the signs and flowers or something. What do you think?

The list of required frames (that I can think of so far) includes:

• Welcome - go upstairs to the "chapel" please (@ the entrance)
• Please take a program! (@ the doors to the "chapel")
• Hey, it's a photobooth. This is where you take awesome photos of yourself (@ the photobooth, funnily enough)
• This a Guest Book. Please sign something so we have a material memory of your attendance (@ the Guestbook table, probs at the bottom of the staircase)
• Do not touch the music (by the iPod/computer/speakers/whatever we decide to use for music) 
• Drinks (@ the bar)
• Food (@ the buffet table)
• Cakes (@the buffet table)
• Toilets - <-- boys | girls -->
• There's grass outside if you want and it's not raining

Any others I haven't thought of?

*love love love love love*
Kiwa.

Why are we waiting, we are suffocating...

Continuing my theme of Will + Kate's engagement, the topic of waiting has been raised. It's much discussed in the media that "Waity Kate-y" had dated for 8 years before finally engaging. 


It's an interesting topic, because I feel as though I've been in a similar situation. I'm not going to delude myself that it's anything like the same, but hey. 


A long time ago, in a land far away, a young girl named Kahiwa met a handsome young man we'll call Grant. She was only 16 and he was 17. Both in their last year of high school, they never imagined that 6 1/2 years later they'd be engaged, preparing to marry just 1 month before their 8 year anniversary... 


I'm now 24, and thinking back to being 16 feels like a lifetime ago. Hell, we started going out because Grant sent me a text "Do you want to go out with me?"... We've changed so much since then. Who goes into a relationship at 16 thinking, seriously, that one day you'll say you're going to spend the rest of your life (ideally) with that one person? Who even thinks of the work 'relationship' at the age of 16... 


Not me anyway. 


When you're in an adult relationship, or so I hear, there's a socially acceptable appropriate length of time to be together before engaging. I understand that to be 3-5 years. 
3 years into our relationship I was 19, in my second year of university, working part-time and flatting with Grant and 4 other boys. 19 is far too young I think. 
5 years in, I'm 21 and Grant had quit his job and just moved to Australia while I finished university. Logically, not a great time to engage oneself.  


But in my head, I don't always think rationally. Every year from the age of 19, I hoped he would ask. I knew rationally it wouldn't happen, and probably shouldn't, but I still harboured some secret (and stupid) wish that he would. Why? Because you're not supposed to have to wait that long. 
Even now, I'll find myself referring to the 7 years of being together as long enough, and that he ought to have asked earlier. 


But that's silly. Having gone through this last year being engaged and planning this wedding, I can honestly say it would have been a disaster to have done so earlier. I can see how much a difference these extra years have been when I look at how I interact with vendors, my approach to the wedding and the slim grasp on reality I hope to retain. I can see that our ability to discuss options and come to decisions together gets better as we go through this, and even 1 year ago it would have been like shit hitting a fan. 


So, thank you Grant. Thank you for making me wait. Thank you for knowing, even when I didn't, that then wasn't right like right now it. Maybe it would have been even better even later, as much as I hate to admit it. Maybe Will + Kate were right to be late-20s than our mid-20s. But at any rate, now is better than then and I'm lucky to have you making better decisions than my irrationality would have done. 


I hope that Will + Kate feel the same way; that their wait was a good decision and that the timing is now right. That Kate's had time to get used to the idea of fame and the spotlight, becoming a Royal, the responsibility she will now have to face daily. 


And that's what I have to say about that. 

*love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

Boutonnieres (round 2)

Or "button-holes" for the non-francophiles of us. 


As you might remember from the Ultimate Floral Test back in August, I tried 2 different boutonniere for the males. 


Have just read this post on APW - Boutonnières: or making a marriage legally binding  especially the comments, 

• "If you choose not to have boutonnieres, you will undermine the institution of marriage" 
• "My two cents is that bouts were origionally a man wearing his lady’s colors. If he doesn’t where your favorite flower, how will you know who to marry?" 
• "the tradition is that the groom wears a part of the bride’s bouquet" 

and now I'm rethinking it all. 




What about handkerchiefs? What if I tried to find handkerchiefs (I almost said vintage, I think because it's trending, but let's face it - we're not doing much else in vintage fashion and will it really matter in the end?) in different yellow/grey/black patterns? 
Grant has stipulated (I did consult him just now, honest) that he wants a plain colour. That's fine; can I get patterned ones for the rest of the boys? "I don't care as long as I don't look dumb." I'll take that as a yes :) 
The other request was could he use it, cos, you know, handkerchiefs are made to be used. I said yes, after the photos. Fair compromise, don't you think? 


Pros of handkerchiefs: less fiddly, less stress/worry to make them work, easier for boys to organise themselves (give them a bunch and they sort it out I guess), less matchy-matchy, safer in the face of seatbelts, outlet for screen-printing creativity (maybe print the stationery motif?)
Cons: not flowers (I like flowers), could end up being more expensive, more hassle in lead-up to find them all but easier on the day. 


I think I'm convinced. 

*love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

What we can learn from Will + Kate's engagement

Will + Kate's engagement is a classic example of the typical (and vitriolic) values of the WIC (Wedding Industrial Complex).

• The immediate focus on ring, dress, location when they've only just announced their engagement. These are not the most important things right now! 
• In the interview just minutes after the public announcement, a question about children
• The focus on Kate having "waited so long" ... as if it should have happened at some magical perfect age or length of relationship
• Questioning the meaning behind Will saying "the timing was right now" ... isn't that the point? 

It's the BIG story at the moment and I believe there are a few things we can all learn from it. In no particular order, my reflection... 

For those whose friends/family are recently engaged:

• Hold off on your questions about planning (and children!) if the engagement's just recent. While some couple develop a plan before actually officially engaging, I think it's just as common not to. Let them initiate the conversation, in the beginning anyway. Also, you shouldn't feel obliged to ask. I can't speak for everyone, but I know that I still have a myriad of other aspects to my life as well as wedding planning and I'm quite happy to talk about them too, ok? 
• Some questions can be awkward. Did you see W+K shrink a little when asked what they liked about each other? It's quite a personal question, and slightly embarrassing to answer. Some people like to gush about their new Fiance, but if you're close enough to be asking this type of question, you ought to know them as a couple already. 
• Proposals are special and romantic, and they can be fun to share; remember, though, that they're also personal and not all the details need to be divulged. 

For the girls: 

• He'll ask when he's ready. If you push him, you'll just regret it - either he'll ask because he's pressured (which isn't fair or healthy) or he'll pull back. Not what you want. 
• It's hard to wait (trust me), but a strong woman has faith and trust in the relationship and each other, and has open lines of communication to share that.
• The size and price of the ring is not the most important thing. OK?
• the ring should mean something more than the number of carats
• the ring should not cost the earth
• the ring does not represent how much your partner loves you
• the ring is a symbol of love, but just a symbol - it is not the be all and end all
• your ring is yours, stay away from the path of comparison; it's not fair on anyone

For the boys: 

• It's rude to keep a lady waiting. (Yeah, that kinda contradicts my first point for the girls, but you shouldn't have been reading that anyway :p ). 
• It's especially rude and unfair to keep her waiting in the dark. By that, I mean if your thinking about, or you think she might be, you ought to be open and honest and communicate your intentions. Nobody likes to be left out of the loop. 
• Ring: see point (3) for the girls
• Proposals are an ideal opportunity for romance and being romantic, especially if you're not normally. This is one of those things that she's going to remember and talk about for the rest of her life, so make it special, ok?! If Prince William can be romantic, so can you. So there. 

Brides-to-be:

• Keep a grasp on the whole point of it all; just like Christmas, you need to remember the reason for the season (and I don't care if you're not Christian, you know what I mean :P). A wedding is a ceremony celebrating a public commitment to be the Champion of your soul's beloved. And that's Champion in the medieval sense, someone who fights on behalf of another out of a sense of duty, loyalty and love. 
• A wedding is not about a dress, nor a ring, nor a cake, nor a party, nor a day to be a Princess. Those things may be important detail, but they are not the focus. It's not about you, or just the two of you. It's about your partnership in relation to your community of family and friends. Got it? 
• On a less ranty note, if you're keeping some details secret, it's a good idea to work that out with your fiance before either of you start talking. People around you are going to be interested in the proposal/planning/aftermath. From now on, if not before, you exist as a team - a little baby family. 

That is all. 

*love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

No ring. No ding-a-ling

Title courtesy of this video.

lol

Today, I want to talk about rings. Wedding rings to be specific. Because yesterday, Grant and I put down the deposit for our wedding rings - yay! We've purchased two gorgeous rings from Diamonds International in Queen Street (I love plugging stores/companies I love. Does that make me a bit whore-ish?) and I'm super-duper excited (except for one tiny thing... which I'll get to at the end*).

Thankfully, this was only our second trip out on a ring hunt, so we're doing pretty well with getting things done near the first time. 

Diamonds International is where Grant got my engagement ring from. In a super romantic gesture, he hunted all around the city, researching diamonds and settings and picked one that ticked all the boxes: big shiny diamond, good quality diamond, value for money, very pretty looking. He got fantastic service from them when he went by himself, so of course they were the first (and only) place we went to. 

Unfortunately, the first time we went back to look at rings was a big of a disaster. I made the mistake of going with Grant during his lunch-break, because his work is across the road. This meant that when the lady who served us took an extreme amount of time to look for rings and a price, we just got more and more stressed. It didn't help that, although I said blatantly we wanted to look for a ring for Grant (because of his lunchbreak) she went and got rings for me. Then she told me my suggestions were wrong, but then remarked snarkily "well, my opinion doesn't matter of course" while insisting on a particular ring style that her daughter (recently engaged) liked. She also refused to write a quote or the ring details when she realised we weren't going to buy that day. Blah blah snooty cow blah. We got over it and just decided to go back and make sure we saw somebody else. 

Therefore, when we went back yesterday, we made sure we didn't make eye contact with snooty lady, and instead kept an eye out for either Ron (who'd sold Grant my engagement ring) or another guy I'd spoken to a few times when I'd gone in to get my ring cleaned, turned out to be Chris. And Chris was lovely.

There's one thing about this whole experience that I personally don't understand. Why would nobody believe that I don't want a big flashy shiny ring? Hell, for years I had always imagined getting a three-toned russian wedding ring (examples one and two), and just not wear my engagement ring. When I told Grant that he was a bit shocked. I tried to explain that I'm clumsy, with bad spatial awareness and so I regularly drop things, lose things or just plain bang my arm/hand/leg/now ring into walls/chairs/desks/tables... I didn't want the responsibility of walking around with $xxxx worth of bling just waiting for a sudden unexpected death. I was quite happy with the idea of something simple and wearing my engagement ring as a dress ring or similar on special occasions. 

But ooohhhhhh noooooo!! Kahiwa, you must wear your bling at all times! Well, excepting in the shower, in bed, at the gym, cleaning with harsh chemicals, cooking with mushy things that might get embedded, applying lotions... So, I basically wear my ring possibly 40% of the day, thereby increasing the risk of something happening to it by 120%! Can't I just get something simple and save my ring? No Kahiwa, they tell me, your wedding ring must be shiny enough to enhance the already obscene shininess of your engagement ring. I feel like they're saying the ring is a metaphor for how much I'm loved "the bigger the ring, the better your marriage will be because you've obviously 'trained' your hubby-to-be to spend lots of money on you"... So when I had narrowed it down to 2 rings, from just one box, and Grant and Chris asked me "don't you want to see any others to compare it against?" I said "no, this one is lovely; it'll do. It's just a ring" you can imagine the looks I got. 

*It's just a ring people. Yes, it's pretty, and shiny, and expensive, and imbued with romantic meaning, but it's just a ring. I'm not any more engaged or married because I wear jewellery on a specific finger. I know I'm engaged right now, it seems as though it's a sign for everyone else to know I'm engaged or married... 

I don't want a marriage where the happiness/love factor is measured by things. Don't get me wrong, I want stuff, I love stuff, I love buying and receiving stuff. But I like the meaning behind that stuff way more. And that's why, although our rings are gorgeous (I even practised a few poses for the inevitable typical blog ring shot), the main reason I'm excited is because this is another sign it's actually happening. In less than 6 months we're going to be giving each other outward symbols of an internal vow. But they're just symbols, ok? 

*love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

Why I'm grumpy with wedding blogs

Very soon after we got engaged, I returned home, turned on the computer, connected to the internet and began looking at wedding blogs. I'd been very good up to that point and not let myself look at anything wedding related before I was actually engaged... Except for one blog post (ok, there are 5 parts, and I devoured them all) that I just happened upon through a friend... 

But then I was engaged and I was finally allowed to look! And boy, did I look. There was Martha Stewart Weddings - The Bride's Guide, The Knot (US), The Knot (AU) and, of course, Design*Sponge which I decided I'd just interpret because everything was just so pretty. Then I found WeddingbeeOnce Wed, Project Wedding, 100 Layer Cake, Polka Dot Bride (the only Australian one I've found so far), Snippet & Ink, Rock n Roll Bride, the Sweetest Occasion, The Broke-Ass Bride and Green Wedding Shoes...

I was overwhelmed with inspiration. I couldn't read it all fast enough to process it before my unread post count grew again. I would see something I liked, mark it, and never get a chance to go back to it. Remember my previous blog posts about inspiration that no one seemed interested in? Yeah, those. Eugh. I saw too many cute and swoon things that I got fixated on flowers and favours and colours before we even had a venue. I had an entire wedding planned out in pictures in my head, and we didn't have anywhere to get married yet!! 

As you might imagine, this lead to arguments. Mostly because I had started creating a vision for our wedding that had no input from Grant at all... Yeah, good move Kahiwa. Not. 

Then, I found A Practical Wedding. And here was a blog about being a wedding being the beginning of a marriage, not an expensive party with the ultimate goal of having fabulous swoon-worthy DIY details for photographers to shoot. I relished the discussions of traditional ceremonies, graduate posts from 1, 5, 10+ year veterans looking back on their wedding day. 

And then even APW started to make me feel bad that I wasn't DIY'ing very much for our wedding or because we weren't planning a wedding under $6000 - how could we possibly justify spending more than that when all these fabulous other people have done it? What a waste - gosh. I couldn't even face the Wedding Graduate posts because I felt ashamed for spending so much money, not planning wonderfully meaningful ceremonies, blah blah blah...

I was faced with blog posts from all corners of wedding madness that were just mounting pressure 

• to have this latest trend, 
• DIY that element, 
• don't have that trend because now everyone in all of Wedding Blogland has done, 
• no do what you want because it's your wedding, 
• wedding's aren't even about you - sheesh, 
• cool brides don't care about the details
• if you don't care about the details how will you have a fabulous blog-worthy wedding
• all brides are bridezillas
• if you're cool you won't be a bridezilla
• cool brides are calm and do it all themselves
• DIT is totally the way to go
• don't you dare ask anyone for help - how you be so selfish/demanding
• the best grooms help out with the wedding planning
• Grant says the wedding is like an Australia-South Africa game whereas the marriage is the All Blacks games and that's why he doesn't care about stuff like songs and vows
• blah blah blah

And it all built up in my head until one day hormones and work stress and no sleep from when Grant was in China all combined to make me explode in "Why are you even marrying me?!" KiwaMadness... It was horrible.I have no idea where the thought even came from. I know Grant, I know what he's like, I know what he does (and doesn't do)... Suffice it to say my hormones mellowed, tears dried and I'm back to being happy and mushy and cuddly again. Especially with decisions finally made on caterers and photographer! :D

What should then appear in my inbox? This. the "10 Rules Every Bride Should Follow" according to TheKnot. I almost threw up in protest of its hipocrisy and horridness. 

So, right now I'm grumpy with Wedding Blogs. They're making me feel bad and second guess decisions I've made. And I do that easily enough as it is, I don't need peer pressure from the whole of the internet, thank you!


p.s. I've purposefully not linked to all the blogs homepages. Because I'm grumpy. If you really want them you can google them :p

*love love love love love* 
Kiwa.