Everything's falling into place... kinda

 We’re exactly T-4 weeks, with T being W-Day, and I’ve less than a handful of days left at work before 5 weeks of leave and the common question of the moment is: “So, is everything organised?”

…

Well, do I have absolutely nothing to think about? No.

Are there still facets to finalise? Yes.

Am I worried? … No, not really. Honest.

Bridesmaids have just been measured for their dresses. I fully anticipate they will be wearing something lovely in 4 weeks time. Maybe not exactly what I had pictured – but is that the point?

Groomsmen have ties and pocket squares on order that should arrive by the end of the week, and Father has given his opinion on what he would like to wear (which I shall purchase at the same time as the groomsmen’s accoutrements). Will they all match “perfectly”? Nah. They should co-ordinate though and I don’t even like matchy-matchy stuff.

The Dress is sitting in its box ready for the plane trip. Am I certain it fits? Nope. Not really. It could be a little tight or a little loose, but I don’t want to take it out of the box to try it on in case either I can’t get it back in nicely (and then how will it fly?) or I somehow get it dirty (which is highly likely given my clumsiness). Am I freaking out? A little, but not really enough that it keeps me up late at night. Those two worries are enough to convince me it’s not worth trying it on here. If I get to NZ and it’s too small – I’ll be extra careful what I eat and make sure I exercise everyday; if it’s too loose, I’ll look into last minute adjustments or simply relax a little about food. Nothing can be done until I arrive in Wellington, so it’s not worth worrying about.

My poor Daddy. When enquiring what he wanted to wear and asking after his suggestions for the little brothers, he worried that the plans were too loose, “But I want it to be perfect”, he said. “It’s not going to be perfect, Dad,” I replied. “Something is going to wrong.”

And that’s just it. I fully expect something to go wrong, so I’m doing my best not to imagine the perfect wonderful day of my dreams (which it already isn't for various reasons). Partly to manage any possible disappointment when things go wrong. Partly because I couldn't have imagined anyone like Grant before I met him. Mostly because I sincerely hope that it's a happy and joyful day for everyone, but not the happiest day of my life - that I'm hoping is continuously updated, starting from T+1.

(source) 

 *love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

Why are we waiting, we are suffocating...

Continuing my theme of Will + Kate's engagement, the topic of waiting has been raised. It's much discussed in the media that "Waity Kate-y" had dated for 8 years before finally engaging. 


It's an interesting topic, because I feel as though I've been in a similar situation. I'm not going to delude myself that it's anything like the same, but hey. 


A long time ago, in a land far away, a young girl named Kahiwa met a handsome young man we'll call Grant. She was only 16 and he was 17. Both in their last year of high school, they never imagined that 6 1/2 years later they'd be engaged, preparing to marry just 1 month before their 8 year anniversary... 


I'm now 24, and thinking back to being 16 feels like a lifetime ago. Hell, we started going out because Grant sent me a text "Do you want to go out with me?"... We've changed so much since then. Who goes into a relationship at 16 thinking, seriously, that one day you'll say you're going to spend the rest of your life (ideally) with that one person? Who even thinks of the work 'relationship' at the age of 16... 


Not me anyway. 


When you're in an adult relationship, or so I hear, there's a socially acceptable appropriate length of time to be together before engaging. I understand that to be 3-5 years. 
3 years into our relationship I was 19, in my second year of university, working part-time and flatting with Grant and 4 other boys. 19 is far too young I think. 
5 years in, I'm 21 and Grant had quit his job and just moved to Australia while I finished university. Logically, not a great time to engage oneself.  


But in my head, I don't always think rationally. Every year from the age of 19, I hoped he would ask. I knew rationally it wouldn't happen, and probably shouldn't, but I still harboured some secret (and stupid) wish that he would. Why? Because you're not supposed to have to wait that long. 
Even now, I'll find myself referring to the 7 years of being together as long enough, and that he ought to have asked earlier. 


But that's silly. Having gone through this last year being engaged and planning this wedding, I can honestly say it would have been a disaster to have done so earlier. I can see how much a difference these extra years have been when I look at how I interact with vendors, my approach to the wedding and the slim grasp on reality I hope to retain. I can see that our ability to discuss options and come to decisions together gets better as we go through this, and even 1 year ago it would have been like shit hitting a fan. 


So, thank you Grant. Thank you for making me wait. Thank you for knowing, even when I didn't, that then wasn't right like right now it. Maybe it would have been even better even later, as much as I hate to admit it. Maybe Will + Kate were right to be late-20s than our mid-20s. But at any rate, now is better than then and I'm lucky to have you making better decisions than my irrationality would have done. 


I hope that Will + Kate feel the same way; that their wait was a good decision and that the timing is now right. That Kate's had time to get used to the idea of fame and the spotlight, becoming a Royal, the responsibility she will now have to face daily. 


And that's what I have to say about that. 

*love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

Mushy Musings whilst I wait...

Written while waiting at Brisbane Airport to get on the plane to Wellington. 

Lately, I've been getting pretty mushy. I'm happy like gooey toasted marshmallows, go-with-the-flow/it'll-work like mushy peas. I swear my inner monologue could write a Mills & Boon novel - minus the sex scenes, cos I have no idea how they write those. Seriously.

It's strange, because I don't think of my and Grant's relationship as being romantic in the typical sense so I didn't expect this. He doesn't recite poems, sing serenades, write mushy texts or send flowers regularly. Ours is not a house where you'll hear declarations of love to rival a sonnet, nor does it abound with (embarrassing) compliments.
Our romantic is a little different. It's Grant buying me a yellow rose plant to grow when he was out "shopping" for a work thing. Or him eating almost anything I serve up for dinner (because I'm very experimental). It's a cuddle on the couch that's so comfy I'd rather go to sleep there and squished up than in bed alone. It's "love you, see you later" when we leave for the day rather than "have a good day" because the best part of the day will be probably be when we're both home together again. And all sorts of other little things.

Why am I sharing this?

I don't really know.

I think because a lot of the time I'm not excited about all the little things in the wedding. Yeah, I'm talking about them and I'm glad to find them, but mostly I just want to find them and get them sorted. So, I don't want you to think I'm not excited about getting married. Cos I totally am. Also, if I'm away with the fairies and incessantly positive, this is probably why ;)

I'm really enjoying being engaged. It's got all the anticipation of being married and we're planning an awesome party. It has its stresses, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime period. I'm surprisingly not stressed. I expected to be. I expected to become Bridezilla. I'm not sure if it's latent procrastination and I'll get massiveo stressed later, selective dismissal where my head is so overwhelmed I'm just not thinking about it, or me being in gooey-gooey happy fantasyland.

Right now I'm passing time away at the airport. I like to think about the ceremony and look over different readings. It will be a civil ceremony so we have almost free reign and the options are vast, almost too vast. To try and narrow it down and find meaningful readings, vows and songs I'm thinking about what makes us unique - like the mush before. I'll go into more detail about the ceremony in another post.

Maybe it's because I'm drinking my way through a mini $8 bottle of duty free gin and lemonade.

Whichever reason it is, I'm pretty happy right now. I'm excited to go to Wellington and get stuff sorted, excited to see my sister and friend as Maid of Honour and Bridesmaid. I'm so happy I'm sitting here with a 2 hour flight delay and I'm stoked about $12 meal voucher and mini bottles of gin.

And my pretty shiny ring ;)

*I did get grumpy when I had to wait at Auckland International Airport from 1.30am until 5am when the Domestic Airport opened, and then until 6am for the flight to Wellington. All by myself. With multiple bags and no one to watch them and no sleep. But I had a sleep when I got to Mum's and it was all good. Promise :)

*love love love love love*
Kiwa.