Regrets

Regrets.

I’ve had a few…

Nah, seriously, before I can talk about all the stuff that I loved about The Day that Was, I need to get off my chest those niggles that bug me and may continue to bug me for long after.

I won’t go in to too much detail, because I don’t want to linger on unhappy thoughts, and there are some aspects I simply can’t share on a forum as public as this (and may never share with anyone), but here we go:

• I wish we had had a photobooth. I wanted one, but we decided that it was an expense we didn’t want to deal with and I never got around to trying organising a friend of a friend to do it instead. I’ll admit, Grant wasn’t ever keen on the idea and that may have swayed the decision-making, but there you go.
• I wish I had asked for leftovers to take home. Everyone remarks (thankfully) that the food was delicious, unfortunately the combination of adrenaline-pumping excitement and tightly framing dress meant I could only taste about half of the menu.
• I wish more family had come to the Saturday night party. It was great to be able to relax and party after the stress and formality of the Wedding.
• I wish that I’d set up the computer to get a copy of everyone’s photos better and had it on Thursday as well.
• I wish we’d thought of a more secure way to collect and display the cards and gifts.
• I wish I hadn’t been so late. We might have been able to take more relaxed photos instead of feeling rushed (I don’t know if Jason or the others felt rushed, but I felt rushed).
• I wish I had danced (been able to dance?) with more people. A proper Father-Daughter dance with Dad, one with Gordon and Barry, one with Grandad and Grandad and Koro.
• I wish I’d thought to mention to Jason that I wanted photos specifically of the awesome table settings and invitations. One of the few things I put a bit of effort into and I’m not sure if they got recorded “officially”.
• I wish I had invited Jason and Aneta to the Saturday party. They were awesome and, even if they didn’t come, it would have been nice to be able to socialise with them.

Le sigh.

There’s nothing to be done though. For all its imperfection, it was a great day. A great couple of days to be honest. And the most important thing is that we were married, surrounded by people we love and cherish and who love and cherish us. Right? 

Photo by We Do Photography - love them

 *love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

Let them eat cake...

I don't think I'm crazy for thinking I can bake cakes for wedding day. There's plenty of time, I've reasonably low expectations (as long as there's cake and it has icing, I'll be pretty happy) and there'll be proper dessert if the cakes suck... 

So, here are some recipes I've been salivating over for the last hour or so. 

• Caramel bundt cake - looks amazing and would be a nice shape contrast
• Ginger and Kumara cake - some kind of "healthy" option must be present; Grant doesn't like ginger, but I feel the need to show the Orstraaalians what a kumara is...
• Lemon poppyseed cake - for a light, zesty option
• Chocolate cake - although I have my own Best Chocolate Cake recipe ever, I worry it could be too moist if I wanted to make layers
• Spiced Applesauce cake - sounds deliciously wintery for our May wedding
• Lime yoghurt cake - I love limes, and yoghurt, and cake... Another light citrus option?
• Raspberry buttermilk cake - the simplicity of it just makes me smile and it sounds sooooooo yummmmmmm...
• Neapolitan cake - if I can't be a princess, can't I have a cake that reminds me of Marie Antoinette? Also, it seem a nice change from standard spongey/flourey cake
• Tiramisu cake - seeing as it's Grant's wedding too, he should get some say in (one of?) the cake(s) I suppose and he really likes tiramisu
• Orange Almond cake - for the gluten-free guests

 And then there are cheesecake recipes, because I love cheesecake and have decreed that I must eat it on my wedding day:

• Triple chocolate cheesecake - cos chocolate and cheesecake is classic
• Cappuccino Fudge cheesecake - cos the name and that layered picture are making me melt with anticipation
• New York cheesecake - cos it's classic and I love the height of the crumb layer all the way to the top
• Dulce de leche cheesecake squares - cos I can't have my Argentine family I'd love to have the delicious food they introduced to my (and my family's) life, the gloriousness that is dulce de leche

And to finish, I'll read these tips on layer cakes over and over and over. Promise.

Any advice you can share would be appreciated, including back-up options for the potential "WHY AM I DOING THIS?!" meltdown. 

 *love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

Everything's falling into place... kinda

 We’re exactly T-4 weeks, with T being W-Day, and I’ve less than a handful of days left at work before 5 weeks of leave and the common question of the moment is: “So, is everything organised?”

…

Well, do I have absolutely nothing to think about? No.

Are there still facets to finalise? Yes.

Am I worried? … No, not really. Honest.

Bridesmaids have just been measured for their dresses. I fully anticipate they will be wearing something lovely in 4 weeks time. Maybe not exactly what I had pictured – but is that the point?

Groomsmen have ties and pocket squares on order that should arrive by the end of the week, and Father has given his opinion on what he would like to wear (which I shall purchase at the same time as the groomsmen’s accoutrements). Will they all match “perfectly”? Nah. They should co-ordinate though and I don’t even like matchy-matchy stuff.

The Dress is sitting in its box ready for the plane trip. Am I certain it fits? Nope. Not really. It could be a little tight or a little loose, but I don’t want to take it out of the box to try it on in case either I can’t get it back in nicely (and then how will it fly?) or I somehow get it dirty (which is highly likely given my clumsiness). Am I freaking out? A little, but not really enough that it keeps me up late at night. Those two worries are enough to convince me it’s not worth trying it on here. If I get to NZ and it’s too small – I’ll be extra careful what I eat and make sure I exercise everyday; if it’s too loose, I’ll look into last minute adjustments or simply relax a little about food. Nothing can be done until I arrive in Wellington, so it’s not worth worrying about.

My poor Daddy. When enquiring what he wanted to wear and asking after his suggestions for the little brothers, he worried that the plans were too loose, “But I want it to be perfect”, he said. “It’s not going to be perfect, Dad,” I replied. “Something is going to wrong.”

And that’s just it. I fully expect something to go wrong, so I’m doing my best not to imagine the perfect wonderful day of my dreams (which it already isn't for various reasons). Partly to manage any possible disappointment when things go wrong. Partly because I couldn't have imagined anyone like Grant before I met him. Mostly because I sincerely hope that it's a happy and joyful day for everyone, but not the happiest day of my life - that I'm hoping is continuously updated, starting from T+1.

(source) 

 *love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

6 more weeks to go...

6 more weeks to go, 6 more weeks til - Oh, crap. 


6 weeks. 


I have no idea why that number is so much more than any other up until this point, maybe just because with each day IT'S getting closer. 


I think I'm reasonably calm. Am I? I hope so. It's not that I'm unexcited - I'm extremely excited and looking forward to 1. an awesome couple of days and 2. being married to my beloved. It's not that I'm not stressed - I'm stressed, there are a few things not going quite to plan, but what you gonna do about it? 


I think I'm calm because I've been expecting something to go wrong for the last year. I've been waiting. And with the knowledge that something(s?) will go wrong, I know that there's not always a lot I can do and it's a waste of energy to worry. 


So what if the bridesmaids dresses aren't made. That's ok. I feel very blessed and lucky and loved that Mary would offer in the first place and also that, rather than let herself get stressed out, she brought it up as not working with enough time for us to organise an alternative. Sweet. Done. Excellent. 


So what if the invitations are only being sent out in NZ this week. People, if you don't know the date (excluding Grandparents) than there a multitude of ways to contact me without an issue. I'm all over the internet. In the end, they're going out with enough time for guests to RSVP so that I can give caterers an accurate number. 


Perhaps the most calming aspect of 6 weeks is knowing that I have less than 3 weeks left of work, which means I have a little over 3 weeks in NZ before the wedding to sort out all those little details that may yet go to crap. 


We'll work it out - Me, Grant and you (because I assume the only reason you're reading this is because you care. I'm not that egotistical to imagine strangers reading...). 


Other thing 6 weeks means? Hen's night in Brissy! Not a lot planned, but I'm looking forward to an evening of special ladies from my life here in Brisbane drinking, laughing and talking smack. Should be fun times. 


On that note, please wish me continued calmness, decisive action and the strength to resist alcohol as my de-stresser (there's still That Dress... Eugh.) 


*love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

Invitations procrastination

I'm terrible. 


We're now less than 9 weeks til W-Day and I'm agonising/procrastinating over getting these invitations finished. 


I've done the official wedding and second reception invitations, I just need to do an RSVP card and a registry card. Instead of diligently working at them, I'm scouring through my blog feed reader for printables for the back of the invitations, after spending an entire day the other weekend trying to make one out of the little icon that features on the invitations. 


I just remembered I scanned the fabric samples I'd bought to test my theory of table runners. What if I use them as the backing? That sounds brilliant. If I could be bothered, I might even try and co-ordinate them to the tables, but I don't think it's worth it... 


So, I thought I'd just share my mini-brain wave (and further procrastination method) with you. 


That is all. 


Wish me luck, hassle-free printing and speedy postage and you may get them by the end of next week. 


Maybe. 

*love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

Yes, I'm grumpy at you.

There’s one thing about being engaged that I really don’t like.

A lot of things I enjoy – my pretty ring, planning a party… Oh, and that gorgeous happy gushing of emotion when I think about the fact that I’m committing to love and spend the rest of my life with my beloved.

Some things annoy me, yes, like when people comment on our decisions, when they ask how much weight I’m losing for my dress, when they begin the comments about babies, when they assume that I’m not excited because I choose not to talk about all my wedding details all the time with everyone… But I can get past that. Most of it is well-intentioned simple curiosity and not malicious.

But there’s one thing that is making me really grumpy. And that’s the prevailing attitude that somehow marriage is going to turn me into a controlling sex-withholding selfish child-obsessed bitch and that Grant will cease to exist in his own right.

When, after their realising I’m engaged, people, both married and not, ask “Why?”. Or, after a comment about not seeing their wife in a while, or a criticism flies, or a couple bickers, or a man has obviously had his soul-crushed, they say “That’s what you have to look forward to!”. Or when people joke about being Grant becoming starved for sex as soon as we get married. Or when they assume that Grant won’t be able to do anything he wants and it will be a lifetime of "Yes, Dear..."

For example, when planning activities around our wedding, we discovered our rugby team will be playing a home game in town the day after our wedding *1*. Grant expressed interest in going, and a well-meaning friend exclaimed “You can’t do that! You’ll be married then! And the day after your wedding! Kahiwa?!” *2*. To which I replied “Why wouldn’t he go? I want to go! We love rugby!”. And I do. Rugby is one of ‘our things’, so it makes absolute perfect sense for us to go. And even if it wasn’t, is there some expectation that as soon as Grant is married he’ll be chained to either our home or my side? We’ve never been like that in our almost 8 years together, so why on earth would that change when we married?

What the?!?!!?!?!

When does the attitude towards a wedding go from being all about love and happiness (a la engagement) to one of a soul-destroying monotonous bickering marriage(a la middle-age, apparently)?

Why do we talk like that about one of society’s most important sacraments? The Christians are fighting to preserve the “sanctity of marriage” by not allowing homosexual couples the right. Homosexual couples are fighting to be allowed to enter into a legally recognised commitment. And these married people do is complain about it!

Why are the majority of quotes about marriage jokes along the lines of:

“There are really three rings to do with marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering”

I’m angry for a number of reasons:

1. If they’re so miserable, why do they stay together? If it’s not that terrible, why are they sharing these comments with me?
2. Do they think it’s funny?! Well, especially with that wedding “joke” above, I’m not f**king laughing, Nicolas… *3*
3. Do they think it’s what they’re supposed to say? Well, bullshit. “What’s popular is not always right, and what’s right is not always popular”.
4. I’m already a boiling bubbling cauldron of emotions, both positive and not, about making one of the most important decisions of my life. To have friends, acquaintances and strangers second-guessing that is not helpful.
5. Who the bloody hell do they think they are commenting on my life like that? What right do they have to assume that, just because they’re not always happy, that I might be too? Yes, I’m under no illusions that life is easy; believe me, we’ve had our own troughs. But we have fantastic peaks and the middle (for now anyway) seems to be pleasantly above the X-axis.

So. What now? If I stir on this much longer I’m going to bite someone’s head off or stab them with a fork. And that wouldn’t be good for professional nor personal relationships.

Well, my plan is to call them out on it. When they ask “Why?”, maybe I’ll say “Why not?” or “Thank you for your concern, but that’s a private decision Grant and I came to together”. When they say “That’s what you’ve got to look forward to”, maybe I’ll retort “Why do you say that?” or “What do you mean?”… We’ll see how I go.

In the meantime, any other suggestions for coping and/or confronting? 

*love love love love love* 
Kiwa.

---

*1* we live overseas and are returning home for the wedding

*2* I paraphrase, but you get the gist.

*3* Gotta love Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Great quotes. Classic. 

It's the final countdown...

Yep. 
I've started counting down. Today is 9 weeks away from W-Day, that's 63 sleeps until I'm Mrs B... WOOHOO!!! 


I'm getting excited, and I just can't hide it anymore. We've worked through a number of items on the to-do list in the last week or two, which feels verrrrry good, like: 

• Suits - the boys are back from Vietnam, with suits and they look swish; need to get ties
• Table decorations - dress rehearsal was successful; need to buy stuff now
• Celebrant - selected, deposit paid; need to get ceremony planner and work that out
• Party venue - booked and deposit paid; need to finalise decorations, drinks list, entertainment?
• Invitations - designed; need to print and send out (I know they're late, and I'm sorry times a million!!)

I'm also getting a little bit stressy because the to-do list is looming in the back of my mind... 


But... the countdown is on. I hope you're ready!!

*love love love love love* 
Kiwa.